Carolina Confidential

I ain’t healed.
I just learned how to hide it.

I learned which rooms to stay quiet in. Which smiles don’t invite questions. Which jokes land just right so nobody looks too close or leans in too long.

There’s a smile on the surface. Easy. Practiced.
But underneath it, there’s still a fire that never went out.
I just learned how to burn without smoke.

I learned how to function with cracks still running through me. How to stand steady while something inside me still limps. How to keep my hands busy so my mind doesn’t wander back to places it remembers too well. How to live without the things that used to give my days a shape.

People think healing is an ending.
Like one day you wake up and it’s gone.
Like the past packs its bags, leaves a note, and finally lets you sleep.

That’s not how it worked for me.

What I learned was control.
Timing.
Containment.

I learned how to carry it without bleeding on everyone else. How to swallow the words before they turn into worry. How to be “fine” in a way that passes inspection.

But some nights still close in.
Some nights I lie there feeling the weight of everything I never say, counting breaths, waiting for the tightness in my chest to loosen its grip.

Some scars don’t fade.
We just stop showing them.
Not because they’re gone—because they’re not for everyone.

And yeah—sometimes the hiding works.
Sometimes it fools everyone.
Sometimes it even fools me.

But not always.

Sometimes the laughter comes out a second too late.
Sometimes the smile slips.
Sometimes the silence gets heavy enough that I can feel it pressing against my ribs.

I didn’t heal.
Not clean. Not all the way.

I adapted.
I adjusted.
I learned how to live around the damage instead of waiting for it to disappear.

And maybe that’s not pretty.
Maybe it’s not inspirational.
But it’s honest.

Because healing isn’t always about being whole again.
Sometimes it’s just learning how to move without falling apart in public.

I ain’t healed.
I just learned how to hide it.

And some days it doesn’t work.

But I still keep hiding.
Because for now—choosing what stays quiet is what keeps me here.

Until next time,
Stay safe. Make good choices. And as always, stay kinky My friends.

~Dray Orion